I struggled with something this week that I am sure most parents have faced as they raise their kids and send them off in world. Parent guilt. You yelled when you should have listened, or you snooped into their lives when you should have trusted. Well my guilt came when my high school freshman had his first Mock Trial competition. He specifically asked his dad and I not to attend. He was nervous about competing for the first time and didn’t want us to watch the first round. I agreed to stay home, but I was filled with a lot sadness and regret that I wouldn’t be able to attend.
My Regrets Grew into Guilt. . .
Then he mistakenly came home and told me that the teacher had asked whose parents were going. When he didn’t raise his hand, the teacher had joked that I had gone to see his older sister compete but not him. Well telling me that was my son’s big mistake. The parent guilt inside me overtook all of the sense I had left. I emailed the teacher for more info on the times and places of the competition.
The next day I received an angry text from my son. Immediately I realized that I was putting my wants in front of what my son needed. When he got home I apologized, and I did NOT attend the competition last night. Our kids don’t seem to understand that a parents only wish in life is that our kids go out and do great things. And as a parent it is very, very hard to not witness this greatness. I struggled with letting go and with listening to what he wanted from me.
This is not my first rodeo. I have a daughter in college so this confrontation really caught me off guard. I am realizing that sons and daughters are two totally different animals and that their high school years will be vastly different for me. My daughter never seemed to care if I went to events as long as I stayed in the background. At times she seemed to really want my help. My son on the other hand is very independent and less accepting of help.
Last night they won and will move on in the tournament. I am bursting with pride! You can bet money that wild horses will not stop me from being in the courtroom during the next round.